Lessons from the doctor

"I have witnessed events so tiny and so fast they can hardly said to have occurred at all." -Dr Mathatten from the movie "The Watchmen." 

It's difficult, sometimes, to come up with things to write about. The world that I live in is small, but it is filled with many profound and subtle differences it could be argued whether they count for anything at all. Yet, they count for me. My children have so many little victories and I have so many victories in my life that are so small and I am conscious of each and everyone of them. 

A simple example of this was at a family gathering I heard my niece and my daughter fighting. I called them both to me and my daughter said "whenever I am playing a game Kerean always tries to take it away from me and then L did it now too." I said, "Kerean absolutely does that all the time, but do you think the fact that he does it all the time makes you a bit too sensitive to your cousin doing it?" The anxiety washed away from her face and her reason took charge. I told her to go play with her cousin and they ran away without skipping a beat. I was sitting amongst my family who all took the time to compliment me, which is not a common thing. That moment was special because it showed my daughter need only understand to gain control of the situation. She is maturing. It was also gratifying for my family to see me flex as a parent. 

I will take you back to when I was 24 and in seminary. I sought wisdom because I wanted to be a Bible teacher. During the process I made some really quality friends. People of such great character and intellect that I would think some might believe these kinds of people a myth. Two of my favourite people were named Joey and Jessie. Joey and his then girlfriend both declared that I could be famous. To an insecure kid like me I held on to that. Time went by and we all went our separate ways. Joey is a bishop in the Northwest Territories and Jessie is the CEO of a large publishing house. Old Tyler did not find his way to such success. Now before anyone comes at me, "oh you have a wonderful family," trust me I am aware. As a man there is a measure of your careers success. It is built into your DNA. Let me be clear, I applaud the success of my old friends. They are men of dignity, courage and integrity. There success is not a matter of luck but the result of their diligence and commitment. 

Yet, I have learned that two things can be true at the same time. I can struggle with conflicting feelings and that doesn't mean I am conflicted.  They can also be committed to their families and still have careers. This is not to cast dispersion on them or myself, but rather reconciling my choices I have made. 

Going back to that moment of revelation of my daughter. Sweet Autumn Justina sees truth and grasps it. She drops the weight of her frustrations and enjoys her life. My belongs first to God and second to my family. The knowledge of being a good servant to God and being a good servant to my children is profoundly satisfying. No, people dont know my name. That's okay. I am content if after I am gone they might say of him, "he loved his family and gave all he could for them." 

I will end with a poem called "Jenny kissed me." I change the Jenny to Autumn, but this poem really encompasses my feeling. 

Autumn kiss’d me when we met,

Jumping from the chair she sat in;

Time, you thief, who love to get

Sweets into your list, put that in!

Say I’m weary, say I’m sad,

Say that health and wealth have miss’d me,

Say I’m growing old, but add,

Autumn kiss’d me.