So,
I figured that it has been more than a calendar year since my last post, I
thought it was high time for a reflection one time on 2020.
I
have mixed feelings about this year. If I could summarize it, I would say it
has been a year of anger. Everyone seems angry at everyone else. Whether it's
the US elections, COVID-19 or protests- everyone is angry. I don’t know what
precisely it means, but I find it disappointing. People cant hear each other
and that makes me sad. I like the idea of dialogue; it is a productive notion
that help a lot of people move forward. I'm not thinking of any groups in
particular when I say this either. I have found in left and right wings; people
really don’t have much to say other than to point out what and who they feel
are the problems.
For
my family, we have had an interesting year. Mostly good. We got a dog during
our first lock down. That was really exciting for us as a whole. I had only
ever dealt with smaller dogs and indeed I thought our dog was smaller in the
pictures than she appeared in real life. Upon encountering our 8-year-old boxer
cross named "Rosie" I was nervous. I had always heard about "big
dogs" and their power/capacity for chaos. I had only ever had small dogs
myself and never envisioned that we would be a "big dog" family.
Rosie is kind, sweet and VERY aggressive...when it comes to her need for
snuggles. She will seriously use her nose to shove your hand and put you to
work doing what you clearly should have been doing all along and pet her. She
has never shown the faintest bit of aggression to my children or the children
of those in our home. I am grateful, but at the same time hesitant to be too
loving. The truth is that she is a large dog and she is 8 years old (not a
puppy). She is still very energetic, but I am mindful that that can take a
sharp turn in the future and our Rosie will not be with us long. I wonder how
to help my children cope with death. I wonder how I will cope as I will likely
be the one who takes Rosie on her "last ride." If you have read my
blogs, death has been something that I would like my kids to understand in some
capacity and be able to help them mourn. Truly, when I lost my Dad, my only
experience with death had been some goldfish. So, needless to say, I would like
to teach my children how to say goodbye to something more than I did. This may
seem morbid to some, but it is lifc and these are experiences I want to provide
my children.
(Forgive
the slight detour) I had a strange realization the other day. I realized that
if I were diagnosed with a terminal illness, there would be a part of me that
would be relieved. My experiences with death made me believe that I needed to
plan for it, anticipate it, try to avoid it etc. This is, I do admit, not the
way I want to live my life. So, as Ebenezer Scrooge told the Ghost of Christmas
Future, "I hope to live to be
another man from what I was." So I have determined that, circumstances
allowing, I will try to do more and take life in a more forceful way.
The reality for my family is that we are kind
of home bodies and, baring a few changes in direction, we have changed little
from the normal faire we experience day-to-day. While my children would love to
see more of their grandparents, we are just now coming out of a phase where our
youngest is at her lowest maintenance and quite independent, so we know very
little about what we are missing.
One thing I will note is that our financial
situation has had a positive turn and we find ourselves less worried about finances
for which I am deeply thankful. I am also mindful that there are those that don’t
have that privilege. We leave 2020 same as we entered, with a few more lines on
our faces and few more bruises, but not less thanks in our hearts for what we
have been given.
