Leaving on a Jet Plane

That John Denver song never gets old, mostly when I'm actually leaving on a literal jet. 

The Vogt family is beginning its adventure eastward. We are going to the ancient Germanic country of Germany. I never really thought this would be the place I would ever take a vacation to as it really never had a particular appeal. That was the case until I realised my wife had relatives there who would be willing to host us. She and I decided that on such an adventure we would like our children to come along. Two years ago we went westward to Oregon. Another amazing summer adventure. We saw whales and touched the ocean. We hope this little blip in time will be equally as memorable. 

We are leaving on Sunday April 28 and will be gone for two weeks. Its strange how much planning goes into a little blip in time. I am conscious that this will be moment in time that will be with me and my children forever. When Doris and I began dating, one thing we shared was a love for adventure. While our lives have not been traditionally adventurous, we never lacked that aspiration. We are deeply privileged to expose our kids to a different culture and to enable them to see that the whole world is not southern Manitoba.

The last time I was in Europe I was at the Frankfurt airport, the airport we are using in Germany. I was coming back from Russia and I had been booked with an 8 hour delay. The Frankfurt airport is the 3rd biggest airport in the world, one can easily get lost. Not wanting to leave an experience unused, I did get so lost. I found myself in a terminal that was closed and I was walking around in the dark. The only light was the shopping area below and the blessed golden arches just out of reach of my hungry hands. I could only watch as other people ate while I wandered around an empty terminal. I did eventually find my way out and did find some food. 

Prior to going on this little adventure, I read some magazine where someone was drugged at an airport and had their kidney stolen. I was clearly not thinking clearly as it is very difficult to drug a person who is just sitting in a public place quietly. None the less, I resisted the urge to sleep in self-defence of the Frankfurt air going public that I thought would make off with my favourite kidney. That leg of my trip was exhausting.   

Now, almost 20 years later. I return to the airport that almost took my kidney and trapped me in its clutches. I am coming back a middle-aged man. Equipped now with a sense of self-sufficiency and technology that helps me out of dark terminals that hide me from food and four extra minds that will say, "dont talk to that woman Papa, she just wants your kidneys." This I vow that once again, upon my return to the Frankfurt airport, I will once again be victorious and not lose a kidney there and will find my way around with the aid of the most valuable asset I have, my German speaking wife. 

I will endeavour to update where and when I can. If you pray, please pray for me and my family for our safety and for wisdom for us to make wise decisions as parents. These types of trips are exceedingly challenging to plan for 5 people and we really are daunted by the weight of it all. 

The pot hole human being

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" -1 Corinthian 13

As a person who considers myself somewhere on the spectrum of neural divergence, I have considered myself a student of human beings. People have a curious ability to convince them self that they hold or believe an idea they don't practice. Have you ever been told to "ignore someone." I have never been able to do that. I cant simply just pretend a person didn't say a certain thing or treat me a certain way. The consequences of human inter-personal relationship are real and I have never seen anything to make me believe the consequences can simply be "ignored." 

The reality of what people are saying is actually a little bit different in its practice. A meaningful parallel is the blessed pot-hole. During the particular winter we have experienced, temperatures have swung wildly and left our roads quite treacherous. My belief is that the choice to "ignore" a persons actions, it actually extends to the person as a whole. If you find someone unpleasant, you're not going to put your energy into them. They are to you like a pot-hole. Something that when you come across them you become careful and you really want to avoid them completely. We demonise conflict. We turn people into liabilities rather than people. 

There is a loneliness problem in this world. There are 2 types of friends: situational and actual friends. Situational friends are friends that you share a common interest or circumstance. Real friends are friends who you mutually pursue simply because you enjoy each other and you desire to share life. I understand how this framing might look, but it isn't a reflection of value. Some of my best relationships I have had were situational. Beautiful, sweet wonderful people I hold in my heart I have encountered in common situations. I admit that, whether I want it or not, most friends will be situational. The difference between them is a level of commitment and, unfortunately, depth. Everyone wants secure relationships. Where the commitment is evident. The person who will come help you move. They will babysit your kids. They will lend you their car. The got you. 

I have a confession for you. I am a pot-hole. Specifically in the church I am currently attending. I am a person who has behaved in a way that people have "ignored," either because they didn't think I would be receptive to correction or (more likely) they just didn't want to bother with me. So I get tolerated or completely ignored. By extension, my family also is to a degree ignored. I am surrounded by people who are way too polite to tell me what problems they had with me and, out of a spirit of selfishness masquerading as politeness, they choose to abandon me. I am not suggesting that I have no accountability in my own life, quite the opposite. I actively seek to be accountable and make my presence a greater joy. I am denied this for the sake of "politeness." People, in the world more broadly, tell themselves similarly comfortable lies where they dismiss someones issue because they think that makes them a better person. The reality is less sophisticated. It is easier to leave a person alone in their struggles then to get down in the dirt and help a struggling brother or sister. "After all, I dont owe them anything," they think.  

The other part of the issue is the sense that people feel they are entitled to quit relationships as soon as they dont get certain things. A sense of "owing" is usually the idea that is cited. Cliches like "to thine own-self be true" are quoted. The only singular priority is the "self." Yet, that is also a very lonely proposition. I remember when I was a kid seeing extended family hide from their elderly parents because they didnt "enjoy them." They currently suffer a similar fate and I am quite sure the parallels are lost on them. I know another man who refused to see his elderly mother on her deathbed because he didnt want to remember her in that state. He neglected his mother in her final moments because it didnt suit him. When all our loyalty is based on utility what happens when we stop offering it. 

Welcome to our world. As long as you are mentally healthy, happy, well-supplied and fully capable we definitely have something for you and if not then that chair in the corner will suit you fine. 

I confess I am not free of responsibility. I, no doubt, have a list of sins of people I have neglected. Make no mistake, relationships should not be abandoned lightly. My struggle is finding other people for whom the desire to reach back exists. A friend with whom I can experience conflict, stale conversations, anger, criticism and negativity. These are the parts of the human experience we forget. We prefer to focus on the fruits of the spirit in the Bible joy, peace patients, goodness and self-control. We forget about the description of love in Corinthians. Love always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. As an exercise, replace love with your name and then repeat the verse at the beginning. Tyler always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Tyler never fails. Nope. Doesnt sound like me. How'd you do. Lets make a deal. Lets both agree to do better.