One more day

Well, I suppose me posting something is really long over due. Much has changed for us. We recently moved from Mitchell into Steinbach. I always chuckle when I think of it because there will always be a childhood part of me that looks at Steinbach as "the place to be." In truth we moved because it was closer to my work and the house was bigger and Doris was able to start a daycare. WE now live in a 1300 sq foot bungalow with a finished basement as opposed to a 950 ft 1 1/2 story house. Its quite a boost in all respect. Overall a great deal has shifted due to this move. Doris has a full out day care, which has proven to be a great source of income as well as an opportunity to minister to kids and to be a stay at home mother to her son. She is enjoying it and I am grateful for a circumstance where she can both make money and be a mom. As for myself, same old same old. I am currently taking a course at my old seminary and finding it difficult to get back into the swing of things. Once you've been out of school for a while getting back into a place where you can wrap your mind around concepts that dont immediately relate to finances, family, friend's or any of your other immediate priorities. I suppose the fact that I am not immersed is making the challenge of doing school bigger. IF you spend the bulk of your time in school, its much easier because it occupies a bigger component of your time. On a unrelated note, I am trying to create some amount of home automation going in my house (when you walk into a room the lights turn on by itself and that sort of thing). Just a side project that is meant to amuse me. An odd anniversary is coming up this July. It will be the 16th anniversary of the passing of my father. My father died when I was 16 years old, which means as of July 14,13 he will have been gone for as long as he was my father. I will have been fatherless for as long as I have been "fathered." Just an interesting idea of the personal definition that I have lived with being "fatherless." At the some time I credit this identification with several benefits: 1. My love and affection for people in my life is significantly greater (I believe because of it). 2. I am a more open person because of it. There haven't always been people who loved me and I cherish those people because I know how rare and fleeting those relationships are. 3. It makes me aware of the need to be a present father to my son. As for Azariah. We celebrated his first birthday about a month ago. What an amazing journey it is to have a child. He has grown up and morphed in some truly amazing ways. He has such a fun personality and I genuinely enjoy being with him and his mother. Some talk about an idyllic world of the single person with no responsibility and I truly dont understand why because with no responsibility also comes no privilege. The privilege of being with Doris is the greatest blessing and I willingly take the responsibility of husbanding her to take that privilege. My son's laugh and energy are in themselves so great a thing to me that I couldnt think of an responsibility or duty so great that I would ever deny taking part in it. My father set a fabulous example for me and I hope I can exceed that by being as active as I can in his life and he in mine. I dont want my family to be a family of individuals, but a whole unit. If he plays video games, I want to play with him. If he plays sports I want to practice with him. These things are difficult for me, but they are important to remind him of the connection that binds us and the blessing that comes with having a father who lifts you up and blesses you rather than a father that burdens you. I know I will fail, but I would rather fail at an ideal to high then settle knowing that my son was not loved as well as he could. May God show me grace. On a lighter note, he experienced a couple of first. He got a hair cut and he visited Santa. Now we aren't really Santa people, but it was just something we wanted to try, he was less than impressed. As for his hair cut, that was something else. He was entertained and was generally quite good. And now because you dont come here solely to hear my ramblings, here are a few pictures of these highlights in his world.

The burden of Fatherhood and Manhood I had a good example of a father. My Dad spent lots of time with me. He took me places. Spent lots of time talking to me. Even when we disagreed I always knew he still loved me. He really had it right and I can imagine if he were still around I'll bet he would have wished he would have understood those lessons better earlier. IN his final days he commented that really family is all you have left. And its true. In light of this I reflect on this last week. My son Azariah has been particularly clingy to me. He will push all of his toys aside and scurry into my arms. He falls asleep on my lap regularly and delights to stand on my shoulders. If I am holding him and i put him down before he is quite ready for it he will cry and whine. I have found this strange because it seems like relationships have always been the domain of women. Fatherhood isnt something that comes as naturally as motherhood, or at least thats how it looks from my perspective. Fundamentally, it seems to me women are trained to care- for each other, for family, for their children. Men are given models of power and control and base their sense of worth on their power and control. As we age we lose power and control, but the family that many women in my world invest in continues to give them strength. It is the strength of womanhood to build towards a place where faith, love and loyalty bind them to one another as the roots of an ancient tree. Men are tasked with something different. For a man, his power is his badge of honour. A man who has no job, owns nothing of worth, has no companion...well some might ask, "is this really a man?" Yet stereotypes should never define us, nor should the social script be followed to the letter. There is a secret in fatherhood and husbanding that many have discovered (some later in life). These roles steal your power but grant you those deep roots. A man who loves his wife and carries his son and dresses up.....is this still a man? Yes. This is a man who has discovered the secret of the ages in that to continue to be friends with your wife and to invest in your children cannot be compared to the value of a nice house or car. These things will rust and fade away. So, as the scripture says, I put my treasure in common vessels. Let it be my declaration to a confused world that me driving a lexus or a grand am are meaningless elements, but it is the love of my family and the fellowship of my Christ that I hold up with honour. I dont care who admires me, i appreciate it, but like a delicious meal I know it will be gone just as quick as it came. So I sit here with my son knocking at the office door wanting to get in here and pull cords apart and have me play with him. Or my wife who will call me on my cell phone to come into the living room to share some tiny piece of her joy.

9-10 months

So, our world has been busy. What can I tell you. Azariah is 10 months old this month. Very exciting for us. Every little victory he has is a triumph and every success reminds us that our son is a complete genius and very unique in his ability to...lets say walk along furniture (not biased).

Our most recent adventure was a trip to the American west coast to visit friends and a trip to the Canadian coast and then east home. 66 hours we were in the car and Azariah did amazing. It was funny to think of because in the hospital he exhibited a very mellow personality. Doris and I were both struck by this fact. We made mention of that to the nurses who told us, "just wait...he's gonna change." Well he hasent. He is still mellow and smiley and generally the biggest grief he causes us is while walking through a mall at least a stranger or two every hour will comment on how cute he is. I am grateful for the peace my son seems to have and I dont take it for granted. It is God's peace that abides in him because it sure isnt genetics going on there.

We did a lot of really amazing sight seeing on our trip, but the real reward was to spend unbroken time with my two favorite people in the world, my wife and son. We purchased and sold our house recently as well. We will be moving to the big city.....yup Steinbach here we come. For those of you who are unacquainted with the area, Steinbach is about a 5 minute drive from where we live. Some friends sold their place and we are very excited to move in. It is a much more spacious house, with a much smaller yard so Doris is happy and I am happy. Doris is taking the opportunity to start a daycare so if you know of anyone send them our way or just pray for us, thats good to. I am excited because of sidewalks and I can easily walk to work. I enjoy walking to work. I had a job once that was close enough to walk and I enjoyed it immensely. We sold our house while we were on vacation and thank God it only took 11 days from start to finish. Something we are very grateful for.

At a gathering a relative commented as I held my son upside-down that we should have that kind of trust in God. As I think about the process of childhood, I am struck by how many situations I can simply immobilize my child and have him be completely okay wit that fact. As an adult my control defines me. It is my liberty and my right and anything that would challenge it is wrong. My relationship with God flies in the face of that. When I think God's purposes were fulfilled with the death of my father when I was young I frown inside, but I think of how I can grab my son when he needs to be saved and I reminded how imperfect a perspective we can have on life.

8 months...yah I know I'm slow

So Azariah is 8 months old. Lots of little miracles in his little life. He has gotten standing down to a science, he likes to practice science in his crib frequently in the middle of the night and just generally at awkward times.

He is crawling. His teeth are also coming out with a vengeance. On a side note, apparently the db were the same at the football game as they are when my son cries. Parenting, because your not going to go deaf on your own.

We laid my Grandma to rest this months. I was lucky enough to pray for her before she moved on. Its odd to me to grieve. Most often you grieve because something is tragic or unfair, but she was 94...it wasnt exactly out of the blue. I have thought about her often, I have wept for her. She was a real trail blazer. She always reminded me that the best kind of women are the passionate ones that love their family. It was women like her, my mother, my sister and more than anyone my wife that a strong man is needed to walk beside strong women. Not strong in the egotistical sense. Strength of humility, strength in failure, strength for Christ. I am grateful for the life lessons this beautiful white haired woman with the silly smile and shining personality taught me. We are planning a vacation to the west coast. We are going to visit Doris' friend and then we are going to BC to visit one of mine and then coming home. We had also intended to subdivide our property and discovered that that little plan went on ice. So there will be some choices for us.

I am learning about fatherhood. With every shinning grin that my son throws my way I am reminded about the urgency of being a caring attentive friend and parent to my son. Even as young as he is he knows me, he knows his mother (obviously) and we are the two people in the world he feels most comfortable with. I must confess a sense of egotistical satisfaction that I can comfort my son more than my mother and mother-in-law. I have always seen women (particularly those two) as being matrons of parenting and men generally check out. It satisfies me because I know my son and he knows me and that relationship is second only to the bond he has with his mother. By God's grace I can be a guide, protector and comforter to him. By God's grace I can instill a spirit of honest, humble joy that can see the worlds evil while believing in the creative good that drives the world through Jesus Christ. My dear wife remains a faithful fighter. She grows more beautiful and enchanting to me with each passing day. I still look forward to every kiss. Every chance to be together. The Lord of Hosts is kind to his lowest of servants.

6 months

Well, Azariah John is 6 months old. We have this little personality budding in front of us. Its very exciting. We have found he loves oatmeal. He hates bananas. He's ok with squash.

He enjoys being outside. He enjoys being thrown around by dad. He enjoys a conversation and is a great listener. He is a good traveler. Lucky us.

Its exciting to see him grow and develop. He has a very sweet personality that I hope is fostered well in our home. We are very proud of him. Happy 6 months to our sweet son.

The more things change

So, a general update about our family. As is often the case all that changes as you get older are your children. Doris and I continue to do what we have done and witness the change around us. Spring has sprung and we are delighted to expose our son to nature. Our yard is full of flowers, birds, plants and is a really great place to let him see the beauty of nature. For me spring essentially means I take on the full-time job of taking care of our deceptively big lawn. Our hope in the future is to subdivide our property so that we can have a more manageable sized lawn. My job (I sell cell phones for those who dont know) is going well. The last couple of months have been very slow and this has really tested my resolve. I know I need to keep an attitude of faithfulness to the things I am called to do. Things have recently picked up, but I am forever conscious who owns the cattle and the thousand hills....and it isnt me. Still, I am eager for new challenges and am forever looking for a new hill to climb.

I recently got a new phone that has a better camera, so I have been taking more pictures than I have in the past.

As I observe Doris trying to do what she always does (everything), I am continually reminded of what a fine wife I have. She is capable and ambitious and I enjoy the reward of being able to share those traits of my upbringing with her practical, hard working heart. Her primary goal continues to be being a Godly woman, wife, and mother. She succeeds in spades. I dont think my son could ask for a more devoted mother.

Azariah has started to eat "solids" (oat cereal) and he is a fan.

I am really grateful for this phase in his life because I enjoy being able to participate in his eating. Obviously up until now my contribution is fairly minimal, but caring for someone with food is very much a part of who I am and where I come from, so being able to further engage with my son on that has been a blessing.

Azariah continues to bring tremendous joy to both his grandparents and they both very much covet the attention of his chubby face. We are very blessed to see our son bring joy to others and to see the joy of Christ that flows from within him. He is a genuinely

happy individual.

My Hope is in You

In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.

I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.

Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.

Who, then, are those who fear the Lord? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land. The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me

Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you.