As kids there isn't much that makes sense. One thing you know is what you 'like.' Chores or games? Math or recess? You have clear opinions. In the travels of the child, invariably, they will turn to the parent and think, "I have opinions you must too, which kid do you love more?" I remember asking my mother this question and her answer was, "I love you all equally." I always hated that answer because it didn't really have an explanation. In my mind I asked, "explain how that works?" I never got that explanation. So, as this is a blog for my kids to know me, I will answer that question for my kids.
The reason most parents could not specify who you love is because parenting is part of your identity. What I mean is that from the moment of their birth I have been watching them and offering myself for their well-being. I have been there in every moment (sometimes in spirit) and have driven myself to make a world where they can be comfortable, safe and grow. Its taken me years to even see a personality, much less understand how I feel about it. I could no more love one more than I could chose between losing my pinky or my thumb. My children are a part of me. I carry their flaws. Their victories. Their weaknesses. I am their sentinel. I am the guardian. I am there to feed, fight and to love. So to answer the question of who I love, "You are each literally a piece of the most intimate and precious parts of me. You are my masterpieces. Formed by God, shaped by your mother and me. I cant say who I love more because I don't understand the question. I tell you I love you and I fail in language. The words I have don't reach past the surface and you need to go deep to understand my feelings. Go beneath the surface, reach deep and when you have arrived at a place that touches the feet of God himself and leaves you shaking like a leaf in response. There you have found my love for you."
Friday, June 28, 2019
Thursday, June 27, 2019
Training wheels
Your biggest competition in life are often your siblings. I am no exception. My fathers family have the genetics of Goliath (tall and large) while my mothers family are more David (average height and lean). I got Dad's and my brother got Mom's. While in the modern world, there aren't tons of benefits for being big, there are certainly some dividends when you are younger. Most kids are insecure, but it helps when strangers stand in awe of your form. I can imagine growing up a little more average in height and lean in frame can be a little challenging. I think most men dispense with this, but when I was kid this was an issue between me and my brother. My brothers friends would often comment and ask if I could beat my brother up. I would brush it off to spare any unwanted hassle for him and by him. I loved my brother and I didnt want to make him feel "small."
Fast forward to the future. I have two sons of my own. My oldest is 7 and the youngest is 5. We have been trying to teach the oldest to ride his bike without training wheels. He has found the process very difficult and has fought us vigorously. He is introverted so its sometimes difficult for him to share how he feels in words. We have wonderful kids and it finally happened. Our son can ride his bike without training wheels.........its just not the one we had planned. Our youngest son decided that 5 (technically 4) was the age he would throw off his small circular over lords and ride free.
So, as I mentioned, we had been working on our oldest learning to ride. During this process, my wife found a used bike for our youngest that she thought would be better for him. I took the bike out of the van with him and I commented that this bike didn't have training wheels. He informed me that he wanted to ride it. He and I went into the front yard and we practiced a little bit of balancing. My wife is a better teacher of children than me, so she took over from there. Fast forward a week and I look outside and he is basically riding for short distances by himself. We celebrated by going to get slurpees from 7-11 on bike and he biked the whole way (2 km round trip).
As you can imagine, knowing the dynamics I had as a kid, a part of me was worried. Not wanting to take away from the success of my youngest, I was also aware that my oldest was listening intently. My wife and I lavished praise on him for his success and it was well earned. He has mastered balance with a very limited amount of time. A feet to be sure.
The eye of expectation turns to the elder Vogt. There is a spirit that asks, "why haven't you done it?" I know because I heard it as a kid. My brother would master something and I would anguish at my inability to master his new skill. I'm not opposed to pressure. People need motivations to do things and if its not destructive I am on board. Up until now he had been using approaches like, "Ill think about it," which I knew was his attempt to put it off. Through a heated conversation, he told me that he didn't want to take off training wheels. I told him he had no choice. He gingerly tried again and very quickly threw in the towel.
I understand my eldest. I understand his nature. He is practical by nature. He likes the predictable. He doesn't respond too much to his peers. If he can ride with his training wheels than why should he change methods? He is not a "faster" kind of kid. He doesn't care that other kids dont use training wheels. He really is just happy doing his thing. So now, part of my job is to make him unhappy. I need to force him into circumstances where he has to face his challenges. He doesn't see a need so I need to create one, even if that need is "so papa will leave me alone." Yet, there is also sibling rivalry and I believe this will act on him as well, perhaps more than what I can accomplish.
Fast forward to the future. I have two sons of my own. My oldest is 7 and the youngest is 5. We have been trying to teach the oldest to ride his bike without training wheels. He has found the process very difficult and has fought us vigorously. He is introverted so its sometimes difficult for him to share how he feels in words. We have wonderful kids and it finally happened. Our son can ride his bike without training wheels.........its just not the one we had planned. Our youngest son decided that 5 (technically 4) was the age he would throw off his small circular over lords and ride free.
So, as I mentioned, we had been working on our oldest learning to ride. During this process, my wife found a used bike for our youngest that she thought would be better for him. I took the bike out of the van with him and I commented that this bike didn't have training wheels. He informed me that he wanted to ride it. He and I went into the front yard and we practiced a little bit of balancing. My wife is a better teacher of children than me, so she took over from there. Fast forward a week and I look outside and he is basically riding for short distances by himself. We celebrated by going to get slurpees from 7-11 on bike and he biked the whole way (2 km round trip).
As you can imagine, knowing the dynamics I had as a kid, a part of me was worried. Not wanting to take away from the success of my youngest, I was also aware that my oldest was listening intently. My wife and I lavished praise on him for his success and it was well earned. He has mastered balance with a very limited amount of time. A feet to be sure.
The eye of expectation turns to the elder Vogt. There is a spirit that asks, "why haven't you done it?" I know because I heard it as a kid. My brother would master something and I would anguish at my inability to master his new skill. I'm not opposed to pressure. People need motivations to do things and if its not destructive I am on board. Up until now he had been using approaches like, "Ill think about it," which I knew was his attempt to put it off. Through a heated conversation, he told me that he didn't want to take off training wheels. I told him he had no choice. He gingerly tried again and very quickly threw in the towel.
I understand my eldest. I understand his nature. He is practical by nature. He likes the predictable. He doesn't respond too much to his peers. If he can ride with his training wheels than why should he change methods? He is not a "faster" kind of kid. He doesn't care that other kids dont use training wheels. He really is just happy doing his thing. So now, part of my job is to make him unhappy. I need to force him into circumstances where he has to face his challenges. He doesn't see a need so I need to create one, even if that need is "so papa will leave me alone." Yet, there is also sibling rivalry and I believe this will act on him as well, perhaps more than what I can accomplish.
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