As kids there isn't much that makes sense. One thing you know is what you 'like.' Chores or games? Math or recess? You have clear opinions. In the travels of the child, invariably, they will turn to the parent and think, "I have opinions you must too, which kid do you love more?" I remember asking my mother this question and her answer was, "I love you all equally." I always hated that answer because it didn't really have an explanation. In my mind I asked, "explain how that works?" I never got that explanation. So, as this is a blog for my kids to know me, I will answer that question for my kids.
The reason most parents could not specify who you love is because parenting is part of your identity. What I mean is that from the moment of their birth I have been watching them and offering myself for their well-being. I have been there in every moment (sometimes in spirit) and have driven myself to make a world where they can be comfortable, safe and grow. Its taken me years to even see a personality, much less understand how I feel about it. I could no more love one more than I could chose between losing my pinky or my thumb. My children are a part of me. I carry their flaws. Their victories. Their weaknesses. I am their sentinel. I am the guardian. I am there to feed, fight and to love. So to answer the question of who I love, "You are each literally a piece of the most intimate and precious parts of me. You are my masterpieces. Formed by God, shaped by your mother and me. I cant say who I love more because I don't understand the question. I tell you I love you and I fail in language. The words I have don't reach past the surface and you need to go deep to understand my feelings. Go beneath the surface, reach deep and when you have arrived at a place that touches the feet of God himself and leaves you shaking like a leaf in response. There you have found my love for you."
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