An Ode to Jim- "Dont wish the time away."

I had always had a complicated relationship with Jim. He was my mother’s husband. He moved into the role my father had occupied and that made him a usurper of sorts. He felt it and I did too. It was a strained relationship at times.  I was a developing adult and the security of my maternal relationship had meant a lot to me, but I found over time he had caused that to fray.

 

God was kind, though. At the same time these relationships were changing, I was cleaving to my fiancé and making my own family.

 

I was deeply in love. I have never loved carefully. Unaplogetic and passionate could characterize me. This was, apparently all she needed. She was enthralled with my enthusiasm and from a snowy day in April 2008, our courtship concluded on a cold winter day in February 2009 where I got to marry her.

 

I was so incredibly happy.

 

My brother in law, an incredibly talented photographer, took us to some really neat spots for photos. The steps of the Manitoba Legislature were one such spot. The stone steps of the building gleamed white and the crisp echo of every step reminds you that these stones were here before you and they will be here after you’re gone.

 

I took a few photos with my fiancé and her family when Jim came in with my mom. He walked over to me and commented how he wanted $5 for parking. I gave it to him without a thought. I just didn’t care. I found out later that he was trying to make a joke. I didn’t get it. I didn’t care to get it. It was my wedding day and nothing else mattered. 

 

Later on, I was telling my mother all about how much excitement in the day My groomsmen had been wonderfully kind, looking after me with generosity and excitement. Time has carried us in different directions since then, but on that day they made me feel deeply loved.

 

In the middle of my excited rambling, I confessed something.

“I kind of wish it was all over already.”

In the distance, I heard Jims voice throw out a comment.

 

An almost incidental comment that seemed to just slink over to me in the wind of his breath.

 

“Don’t wish the time away,” he said. 

 It landed square on my heart.

 

Had I been wishing the time away?

 I had!  

 Absolutely I had.

 

What a simple and profound piece of wisdom that he likely thought nothing of. An incidental comment you make to an impetuous young man who is in love and lacks the wisdom to see that this was one of the greatest days of his life.

 

These words still haunt me. “Don’t wish the time away.”

What a lash these words left on my soul.

My soul, who only cares for the next success.

My soul that lacked the discipline to dine on the joy of the moment. 

 

This line, spoken casually, has stayed with me.

Perhaps it has left me with the single greatest lesson of my life.

 

“Dont wish the time away.” Now is now. Now will vanish away so quickly and

Now contains so many treasures and things to be grateful for.  

 

Oh my dear Jim.

How I wish you understood what that simple phrase meant to me.

 

I treasure those words.

I keep them in a safe place and I bring them out whenever I am struggling in my marriage or my children are less than perfect.

When I am facing adversity, I remind myself that struggle is a sign of life.

I remember that so much of the beauty of life is in the process and what an epic tragedy if I allow that process to disappear unappreciated.