Even handed

Preamble- I am going to try to write more organically. What that means is faster, when the thoughts come and less proof reading. This is not a professional blog and I think I will enjoy it more if I can put ideas out quicker. Thanks for having patients.

If you know me and have been following this blog you will know that I lost my father when I was younger. He died when I was 16. My mother is alive and well and has been an active piece Of my life. I was sitting and thinking about this and I realized I had been unfair to her.

Having kids has been for me an exercise in reflection. As I love and care for my kids, I am reminded how I was loved. I had a great childhood. Even with losing my father, I had access to a variety of experiences and opportunities. Yet, I am by my nature inclined to sadness and I often look back on my past and lament. My recent realization that my Dad, a fine and honourable man, had his failings as a parent. That being said, when I remember the past all I see are warm memories and moments. I realized that they are the results of looking at my father through the eyes of a 16 year old boy. The truth of it was that I had 16 years and a kid that age still really looks with admiration on his dad. My mother didn’t die. She lived. Our relationship isn’t idealized. It’s real. I know her and am full conscious of the person she is (and conversely the type of person I am via her). Real relationships are difficult. People disappoint you. They frustrate you. They hurt you. All these things have gone on between her and I. The thing is, I believed and still believe, worth while connections are built with time and a mutual desire to continue. One of my favourite relationships in life has been with my mother, yet when things got dark I would sometimes look through the eyes of a 16 year old boy and miss the counterpart to mom. This was unfair to her.

I have no conflict with my dad. No pain. No hurt. He’s dead. Struggle is a sign of life. It shows that you are living and the people around you are as well. This was a good lesson and one that I often forget and have to relearn. I’m not dead. Neither are you. Let’s work it out and keep trying. The reward comes from the commitment you show to the task.