Happy? New Year?

New years has been one of the more underwhelming moments of celebration in my calendar. Most other holidays carry with it a variety of different pleasant memories, but New Years is filled largely with dull recollections and early nights sleep.

I find most people have this experience. You see in movies stories of people waiting till midnight to kiss beautiful strangers and fall in love, but the vast majority of people are going to sleep and wondering what they are going to do on a day with no plans and no stores open.

There is one tradition, however, I chose to carry on and that is the notion of 'a year in review.' New years has a way of asking, "so what now?" Now that you've had that (2017), what now (2018)? As I reflected on 2017, all I could think of was stress and anxiety. I didn't feel joy or jubilation about any event, but rather an overwhelming sense of tension. It has made me realize that my attitude has been to perceive myself as only having a value of agency in my family rather than in intrinsic value/benefit for simply being myself to those I love. Said another way, I felt like I was okay as long as I could benefit someone when the people who love me see a benefit in me and not what I can do for them.

Relationships are funny. How often we project or agenda onto others and fit their response into our story of life. If people were happy with me, its cos I did something for them. If people were unhappy, its cos I failed them. Really?! Is the whole world so brutal? Are the people I love so without concern?! No. Of course not. Yet, what a lesson to learn. I learnt that lesson sitting in a movie theater with my brother and nephew watching star wars. As the tears streamed down my face I felt a sense of relief and release because I am actually doing okay. My wife likes me. My kids like me. My friends like me. I am doing okay. I am not at the top of the world, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that I am here and I am in the game.

Its easy to look at the big stories and scale the value of our future by our past, but the simple and beautiful reality is that there is a future. There is a tomorrow because I am alive and I have the power to love and be loved. I can express myself and to live a deeply satisfying life where I can serve out of love rather than obligation and care and receive care out of a sense of value. So, dear reader, as you reflect on your 2017 and think of your 2018-realize that there are endless possibilities within 2018 that offer rewards both menial and transcendent to effect you, but the truest reward will come in those you choose to love and cherish. In closing, find someone to kiss or hug or smile at or high five. Risk in relationships. Risk loving and letting yourself be loved. Its easy to live in a world of exchange, where we see relationships as a market transaction, but take courage and go beyond and find your value in truly honest and sincere love. Happy new year reader. I hope your 2017 blew your mind and that you go into 2018 with hope for a future better than you can imagine. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go kiss my wife and kids.