Measure of a Man

I came home from a long day of work and came home to a war zone. Toys scattered everywhere like shrapnel and my wife sitting in the midst of things like the brave & battle weary general. She informed me that, amongst the normal struggles, my eldest son had refused his duty. He had to empty out the dishwasher.

One of my favourite professors, when he talked to his students about writing about the future, encouraged them to determine what vision of the future they find least desirable. Perhaps I am morose, but this is a perspective that appeals to me. I have never been naive about the difficulties of life nor the need to strive, but understanding life through the lens of trials seems sensible to me. He goes on to say in his lecture that by exposing ourselves to difficult circumstances we exhibit new physiological features and literally become a new person.

So, as I sat across from him and went into dad-mode. I informed him, that he had a duty and that he was neglecting it. We all have a role to play and that he will have a role to play in the world and it was our job as parents to prepare him for that role. In the spirit of preparation, if I needed to get creative to make things difficult for him than I would-and I am a cane be VERY creative. The truth is that if I neglect my duties to my family, my job or myself I face very serious challenges. At this, he looked sullen and stomped out of the room and into the kitchen to do his duty.

I heard him wail. I went into the kitchen and he was crying while doing his job. I asked him why he was crying. He said because he didn't want to empty the dishwasher. I told him that there are good reasons to cry, but crying because you have work to do is not a good reason. I told him that the sooner he finished his job, the sooner he would be done it. At this point I left the kitchen to change from my work clothes.

When I came back, he had changed. He was quite comfortable in doing his work and was again his good natured self. As he finished up, I took him aside and I told him that I was proud of him for overcoming his feelings and doing his job. I told him that becoming a man is doing a series of uncomfortable things in the service of other people. He asked me what it was in becoming a woman. My answer was, "I don't know what it takes to become a woman, but I know what it takes to become a man."

My dear Azariah. I have attempted to teach him to be a leader. I have attempted to teach him responsibility and honour. I have lived with a strong sense of ethic throughout my entire life. My family, my extended family, the church, my schools- they all taught me the value of careful and thoughtful living. These are not sexy lessons but they are the strong tides that generally guide me.

I want my sons to be superheros, but superheros usually go through hell first. Procedures, bombs, & death all create heros. Sometimes all we need is the crucible of our emotions. Honourable, hard working people build stuff. They may not be remembered or celebrated, but they are the foundation on which future generations lay. I am deeply proud of these moments where my son can show his character by overcoming his own struggles and make the right decision.

As an aside, I will mention about my daughter. She is different than \her brothers. A different spirit. I will never deny any part of the experiences of my life and will open up as many doors as I can, but as I told my son-I don't know the journey of a woman. The reality is, I have tools for my sons and my daughter is an exercise in improvisation.