A New Year

We are so excited for the New Year

I spent New Years day alone, my wife was with her family and I was at home by myself. We really had the sad duty/blessing of giving our dog away so when I tell you I was home alone there was not a soul around. Now before you ask what sad circumstances left me by myself on new years eve let me say two things: 1. The older I get the less I care about it. 2. She did it as a favour to me. I am a person who appreciates solitude. It does me good some time. I reflected about the changes in the year besides the obvious and the challenges ahead. A funny thing that struck me was how becoming a father wasnt as much the experience I thought it was going to be. Dont get me wrong I love my son and few things shine more brightly to me than the smiling face of my dear Azariah. I was struck simply at how when I look at him I did not feel a profound mystical connection. It also struck me how in some ways my brother-in-law and his wife seemed more impacted having to part with him then I expected. Then it struck me that fatherhood and parenting is a lifelong thing. Like a house, you shape your relationship with your child over time. There are elements about it your not happy with and there are things you are very proud of and some things you wished you could change, but cant because thats just the way it is. Others can walk into your house, admire it, and enjoy what there is in it, but its different when you live there. I am challenged by fatherhood, not because I dont love my son, but simply that the desire to show my love doesn't come all that naturally. It also struck me when I meant a young man of 18 years who told me him and his girlfriend were having a baby that the process of creating life is not that profound a success. I look at Azariah's life and I see it as an opportunity for a labour of love. Truly, it is a loving labour to raise a child as it is a loving labour to husband my wife. I am conscious of this and as always I seek the grace of God to complete it. I have faith in God, but my faith is also sound in Azariah and Doris.